Our family grew by four feet!

First, thanks to the friends who reached out on Friday. I was feeling pretty blue, and you all made me feel better. We all have those days when we feel terrible about everything, and that was me on Friday. Everything sucked. I napped, exercised, and had dinner at Cici’s Pizza. It was perfect.

But now, drumroll please…

This is Sir Barkley “the Trash Panda” Elkins. What’s with the name? Lemme break it down for you.

Sir Barkley is for Charles Barkley because this little guy is our rebound dog and Charles Barkley was a rebound dude. And Trash Panda is a Guardians of the Galaxy thing…Drax calls Rocket (raccoon) a trash panda. Our Barkley has a mask over his eyes, like a raccoon or a panda.

Barkley is a chihuahua blue heeler mix. He’s 5 weeks old. His mom stopped nursing, which is why he was released earlier than puppies usually are. He is a little ball of energy who goes bananas for 30 minutes to an hour, then crashes for 30 minutes to two hours.

We are feeding him powdered puppy milk and he was getting some watered down dry puppy food. He prefers the puppy milk, though. We’re going to keep trying the puppy food every now and then.

He’s playful and handsome and stealing the hearts of everyone he meets. He fits in the palm our hand. He’s also very smart. He loves his toys and hates his crate.

He’s a momma’s boy. When he hears my voice or sees me, he takes off after me. It’s the absolute sweetest thing, if I do say so myself. Daisy was a daddy’s girl, so it fits that this little man is a momma’s girl.

I’ve been calling him a Puppy McNugget since he’s so small. His mom was typical chihuahua size and his dad was about knee-high, so he’ll be somewhere between, which was about Daisy’s size, too, which is perfect.

We’re happy to have him, and we see things in him that make us think Daisy would approve. We fully intend on spoiling him rotten and capturing every moment. Brad joked that we should start an Instagram for him. I guess we’ll see. I have one I barely remember to use, so maybe we’ll just use that. He goes for his vaccinations in a week. Wish him luck!

As for me…I’m getting some teeth yanked on Friday, so wish me luck! We’re supposed to go to see Old Dominion, but I’ll have had IV anesthesia so we’ll see if I can join. Talk about crappy timing…

Today isn’t a good day, and that’s OK.

I put on a brave face and a smile 90% of the time. Then there’s that 10% of time when I perseverate on everything that has ever gone wrong in my life. I’m not alone in this, I’m sure. I think everyone has one of those days when everything sucks and they just want to crawl back into bed and stay there.

Today is that day for me. I felt it coming on yesterday, but couldn’t do much about it. I tried to exercise it off, but that didn’t help. Now I’m going to try to write it out.

Before Brad and I got married, we talked about wanting to have lots of kids. We both have a few siblings and we wanted our kids to have siblings, too. Unfortunately for us, we struggled with infertility. We found the bright side, though. We saw it as a sign that we were meant to adopt kids. We’d enjoy just being us for a few years (and we did enjoy it!) and then we’d look into adoption. But that was still a huge emotional hit. The one thing we wanted and planned for was crushed, no matter the silver lining.

Life was good, but for whatever reason, we kept taking hits. All three of our cats passed within a year of each other from unrelated illnesses. Loco, Buster, then Phantom. It was horrible. We were so sad. We reasoned it out because they were older and it was “their time,” but that didn’t take the suck out of it. With each passing fur-kid, we said “we still have X,” and so on.

Then I got cancer. I mean seriously, who did we piss off? I don’t really think I need to expand on that, this blog has said enough.

I took a step back from work because I was so sick and then I had my surgeries, and we took a huge financial hit. Our savings account was empty and we couldn’t find any assistance. We couldn’t self-sustain any longer. We had to move out of our home and in with my parents. We were lucky to have that opportunity, but imagine being 36 and having to move in with your parents. Also, imagine losing almost all of your autonomy while you’re at it?

The hits just keep on coming. 2019 started off with a bang by us losing Daisy. It was horrible. It still is. Every day it sucks a little more, but we’re managing. We still see her everywhere, look for her everywhere. It sucks.

Brad and I have talked about this and, some days, it feels like we have lost everything. These have been some of the worst years of our lives. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had good times…we’ve been blessed by so many things…(I’m alive, yay!!)…but things have also sucked a lot.

So I’m not having a good day.
And that’s OK.

We’re getting ready for a new beginning.

It’s the little things

I think I’ve used this title on a post before, but it still apples! It always applies. Sometimes the littlest things mean so much.

The polish on my toes had faded pretty badly, it was also Christmas themed, so ta-da! I went with something bright and sparkly, something happy that would remind me that spring is coming.

It also reminded me that I am badly in need of a pedicure. Chemo dried out my skin so horribly and I swear my feet suffered the brunt of that. They’ve also become super sensitive and ticklish, so having someone touch them is going to be interesting. In the meantime, I’m gonna get my foot bath out of storage and soak in some Epsom salts.